LIFE AFTER LOCKDOWN

12 July 2020

A month or so into lockdown my Dad jokingly commented that lockdown life suited me. It was late morning on a sunny day, and I had already been out for a run, come back and made myself breakfast, had a quick tidy, done a little writing, and now I was kicking back in the sunshine with a book. In a way, it did suit me. If you can forget about the reality behind the lockdown, of course. In its essence though, my time was my own. As someone who didn't have to try and continue their usual job from home during a crisis or go out and work on the front line, I was able to plan and utilise my time however I pleased, within reason. 


Just like anyone else though, I've been subject to a fair few lockdown wobblers. I tumbled unexpectedly into those days where everything felt suddenly pointless and it was impossible to motivate myself, or when I felt unable to step up to my (often a little too grand) plans of productivity. A large chunk of that upset originates from the unsettling uncertainty that surrounded not just the lockdown itself but also the post-lockdown life we find ourselves in now.



In a conversation later that same week, I was talking to my Dad about the effects of being in lockdown and he replied, sagely, that even if you were just at home during all of it it's still a pretty stressful and anxiety-inducing time. It can feel especially so for young adults who are still trying not just to cement down but also discover the paths their lives are going to take. That sentiment hit the nail on the head. In the period of your life when growth and success are heralded as all-important, those weeks often felt pointless because we weren't 'achieving' anything despite so much time passing. Rather like desperately trying to swim forward and yet only being able to fruitlessly tread water, I can see the future shore on the horizon but the distance between it and my stranded self only seems to be growing. 


Coming part and parcel with that is the impact all of this is having on our social lives, particularly if you have any nervousness or anxiety around that. Though keen for the lockdown to be relaxed, when we were still in it I sometimes uncovered an odd backwards fear about that happening because I felt rather as though I'd find myself catapulted forward by a tidal wave now having completely forgotten how to swim. Part of lockdown's potential anxiety ease was knowing that you could retreat right back into your comfort zone again. No need to come up with excuses or spend days running up to a big event, mentally steeling yourself for what will inevitably be a completely fine and normal evening. Instead, we could all stay inside and it wasn't being unsociable, it's following government guidelines. To be clear, of course, we all wanted the lockdown to relax. We want to see friends again, see our families, to go to places that aren't your own house or a supermarket but it's irrefutable that those months will have had an undeniable impact on our mental health, whether positive or negative. 


Time to ourselves is necessary and healthy but too much time alone isn't always a good thing. After so long actively avoiding crowded situations, of course, it's going feel challenging to return to some parts of 'normal' life but I'm trying to recognise that those days when I felt stagnant, or when claustrophobia began to creep in after being constrained within the same perimeters, are reminders that only so much can be achieved and experienced within your own boundaries. The only way to get that sense freedom or to feel challenged is to gradually push out of personal boundaries once more, even if it does mean momentarily returning to discomfort. And the only way to regain some sense of progress, to stop treading water and start swimming again is, well, to start swimming. What's that phrase? Nothing changes if nothing changes. 


And if you're feeling like this too then you're far from alone. A quick google search on the topic brings up reams of articles and discussions about the many forms of post lockdown anxiety. What these articles all tend to conclude with is that it's perfectly normal to have these feelings. To go for so long without being in these social situations is bound to bring up some uncertainties when we return to them, particularly when we still need to be just as mindful and sensible as we were being in lockdown. What many discussions around post-lockdown anxieties also mention is using this time to reassess our reactions to our social lives and plans and I think that's a great way to think about it. Are we giving into introverted tendencies to shy away from situations that could be fun? Or are we teetering on the edge of burning ourselves out by committing to too many things or always forcing ourselves into situations that feel we ought to be in but don't enjoy? 


If and when we find ourselves facing this anxiety, do we feel reluctant because of the doubting, critical internal voice telling us to believe in our fears about situations and ourselves? If so, then it's a good time to try loosening our belief in that voice and gently begin to broaden our perspectives again until it grows ever quieter. Shorter, smaller social events or commitments, to begin with, will gradually rebuild confidence and ease anxieties.


If, however, our reactions to new plans are ones of exhaustion and genuine unhappiness then maybe it's time to reassess the things we're expending our energy on and how often we're doing that. If you're more often than not leaving events or social meetups feeling only worse then it's probably time to alter our calenders and commitments to something that serves us a little better.




It's a fine line for sure but one that we can learn to tread gradually. It might be nice sometimes to laze about, to be that person of leisure my Dad joked of, but all of that quickly dwindles into pointlessness without some feeling of purpose, challenge, and change. Finding the balance between leisure and the point of overworking ourselves should be the goal. As a nation, the return to normal life will have to be embarked upon, not in the imagined tidal wave of motion but rather step by step through reasoned, measured movements forward. That's a good mindset to absorb personally when returning to normal life. I'll be taking it step by step again and trying to focus on the things that are changing and improving. It's not a sign of failure if you have to retread the steps you have already climbed; it's strengthening. So I'll try not to focus on how much distance I feel I have left to cover but rather on how much progress, no matter how small, I've already made towards the horizon. 

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